New—Yes
I am…
Hi
there! Well, as you see, something happened that changed me. For the past
months, I’d been sucked up into a very terrifying place. I’d been in a place
where all my happiness was sealed into an invisible container and was tightly
closed. That place was really horrifying that I don’t even remember when and
how did I end there. While I was there, I tend to forgot so many things. I
forgot all the happiness, the love, the laughs and memories. All my precious
memories had been stolen from me and I wasn’t able to fight for it because I
was at its mercy. There’s nothing I can do but give it up. I struggled for it
but still, the force poured down on me was beyond what I can hold. There’s so
much thing in my life that was lost and kept from me… but now, I am getting it
back! Everything they stole from me—I will definitely get it back!
I
know there’s so many things that’s going through my head right now and I can’t
keep them all together, there’s so many things that I need to get back and it
will add to my thoughts but no matter how loaded my head would be, it’s my
precious happiness… it’s my precious memories that I treasured so I definitely
keep them all from where they were before.
For
a long time, I was lost. Totally lost. Not one single life on me can be seen. I
was afraid. I was confused. I was hurt so badly. And that dimension showed me
how painful all those feelings were. I was consumed by my own suffering,
battled over my own strength, struggled over my own courage but I lost in the
game and I was doomed. I thought there’s no other way for me to get back on my
feet, to start a new life or better say continue my real life. But last
Saturday, something that I thought was stolen from me was actually always with
me. I thought everyone left me behind but this something remains and I wasn’t
aware of it. Because I was so absorbed by my own cowardice, I failed to feel
that I was the one who left; I was the one who distance myself from the world.
Just to feel secured in my own wall, I manage to hide in my little fence.
Despite of my hiding, there He is, still waiting for me to come back into his
arms. He’s waiting for me to take a peek on my wall and when I did, He held me
and hugged me and said “I LOVE YOU”. That was the sweetest thing I ever heard
that moment. Those three words break the horrifying dimension built inside me.
He never had given up on me no matter how many times I fail Him, no matter how
many times I get back to Him and ran away again, no matter how many times I
disobey Him. His eternal love made me comeback to life. His grace filled my
heart with joy and happiness. I have to tell Him this! “I LOVE YOU, TOO!!!”
<3
03
June 2013
23:22
