Vanishing Memories

0:43/ 14 April 2013

                Just done reading The Elephant Vanishes :D

What does that mean?

                That means I’ll get bored again because I’m done reading book and I have no more Murakami with me.

                Few more days and I’ll set back to Manila and start to find a job.

                Actually, there’s this line that I often encounter on the book…

“Why is it you can’t forget what you really want to forget?”

And I just came to the realization that it is so true. Those things that you want to forget, especially the painful and heartbreaking things, the more you wish for them to disappear, the more they surface on your head. It’s just so odd that those were the worst things that ever happened in your life and the fact that you want them to be erase in your head, it simply can’t be deleted even if at some time you think you’re through with it and when you least xpect it, it will surface again. It is really vey stressful that the memories you wished to vanish from the world, from your own little world, just don’t disappear!

                Maybe I was too absorbed by the books I’m reading that’s why I’m beginning to be like this again. But these books brought me a lot of realization. I mean  I know for the fact that I am not as logical as others and it made me feel so insecure.. a lot of intimidations!

                Well how I wish those painful memories will just vanish like the Elephant and it’s Keeper! They come and go and will never return to this pragmatic world I’m living. 

Since when I don’t know.

00:11/ 12 April 2013

Just finished reading past half of another Murakai book. It was given by my Bestfriend-as a gift—let’s say obligatory gift. It was like he gave me the book as a gift because I asked him to. That’s how good bestfriend he is… I don’t know if that was how it was exactly :D but thanks to him my boredom is much lesser. :D

I think I already told you since when I started getting addicted to Haruki Murakami right? But what made me think now is that since when did I realize that the characters or situations on H.M’s books are way too similar to his thinking and way of living. Of course, I love his books so much that I never got tired of reading it, reading them all! But since when did it came to me that he really is so much like what’s in the book? I can’t tell myself. I wasn’t so sure about when did I thought of it. It just come across me that at some chances. Maybe coincidences’ do happen, that he is so much alike. Until now, I enjoyed reading the books, like now The Elephant Vanishes, and still there’s him, quietly knocking at my very mind that the character talks and acts like he used to. And weird as it may seem, whenever I realize that, the story became more realistic and funnier. Whenever I use him as the character in my head, the story seemed like it’s a lot like it’s really happening. I’m not saying that I like the books more because it is a lot like him, I’m just saying that he, as the character—in-figure, made the story come to life. Well, I guess I’m so lucky to meet a guy who thinks and acts like those in the books I’m reading. Glad to have a character-in-figure friend of H.M’s books I’m reading :D Thanks a lot.

Bye! Got to go to Bed now! :D

Thoughts of Blue just by Thinking of You

11 April 2013

                Oh damn! This negativity roams around me again! That’s why I really hate thinking about the past where he was still there. Maybe I’m just so stubborn that I still keep that blueness deep within my existence but for sure, it was not deep within my heart. I no longer keep him inside it. I realized that I can keep him in my life because he was already been a part of me, a part of my past, but just a part of my deep existence but not a part of my heart. I no longer hurt myself by thinking of those moments instead I feel stupid because of what had happened. So it’s really true that when you fall in love, you instantly became stupid no matter how intelligent or strong or logical the person is. Love really can make someone stupid. This stupidity, somehow, taught me a lot and that matters most. Now, I’m glad that at some point in my life I became stupid but I learned. Somehow, it’s part of my little, enjoyable detour through my journey. I decided to stop every bit of thoughts about him. I know that I can manage to block that tiny hole where he’s peeping. And when I finally block it, for sure, I’ll get rid if this blueness within my existence. So help me God. J

WOOOH! I’m a little emotional here, sorry for that J don’t worry. That’s the old me… I’m no longer the emotional, silent crybaby that only I, myself know :D I’m a lot tougher, stronger and as for now I have n time for this stuff.