My heart never strops worrying for the whole day. I feel
like there’s a big something that’s missing—and that was his presence. He was
supposed to be with me today but fate really seemed to hate us—me especially,
for not allowing me to be happy. I told him I’m not expecting anything but the
hope was there. You cannot blame me for keeping all the hope if you started
discussing the plans. It’s just so hard to ignore that hope in my heart. He
never called… yes he left a couple of messages for the whole day but those were
messages I didn’t understand. Oh! I’m feeling this way again. He told me that
the plan will be cancelled if “that” happens and I think “that” really
happened. I just hope he left a message about it. This feeling—a hopeful yet
no-can-do feeling… it’s just so weird. And honestly, I’m really missiing him.
For the whole day, I always think about what would he do if he’s with me?...how
would he react about my family?... will he still be cool if my family bombarded
him with bunch of questions?... will he enjoy being with the babies? How will
he spend the night in our home?... will he be fine with our small home? I kept
on thinking about all this the whole day. But at the back of my every
questions… there are more questions… is he with her today? What are they doing
at the moment?... is he happy while he’s with her?... does he think of me even
for a moment? Did he gave a thought of going afterall? What’s on his mind, why
he didn’t text or call me? A lot of questions but left unanswered. Keeping this
feeling made me fore fragile and weak but the hopes on this feelings keep me
strong and fixed. I don’t know if I should still keep this love for him but
ending or forgetting it is also not an easy thing to do. Only time can answer
all these questions. I don’t know how this story of us would end but I hope
there will be no ending. I loved him. I love him. I still love him and I will
love him always. My heart keeps on thinking about him until this hour so I hope
I can sleep well without hearing his voice or reading a message from him. Bye!
14December2013
22:27
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