Hi! I already have lots of blogs bit I forgot to write my
introduction. There’s so much to tell about myself and I still haven’t decided
if I’m gonna write it. Well, I’ll decide while I’m on the process of writing.
Because this is a public blog (though it looked more like a
private blog because no one reads it other than me) I’ll have this way of
introduction. I’m Kirigaya Hoshiko, a graduate from a non-prestigious
university, but it has its reputation on its name with a degree of a respected
course that involves children, parents, teeners and lots of paper works.
I’m a person with contrasting personalities… sometimes my
alter ego’s superior to me especially at night. How come I have such kind of
personality? Well, I like things and sometimes dislike them. Or should I say
it’s not a matter of liking or disliking something, it’s just that I’m not in
the mood to like or dislike something. Well, I love colourful things! They are
very lively, very cheerful and it lifts my spirit up. I feel like colors bring
out something in me but despite of it, I love dark and weird colors.
Something’s so mysterious about them. They feel so unique and strong. I also
like cute things—things that little children used to like. They bring out my
childish side and I also love weird stuffs like skeletons and hairy stuff toys
like makkuro-kurosuke. I like the sound of people chatting, laughing like
there’s no tomorrow, I like the liveliness of the environment but when the sun
goes down and darkness filled the sky, I like to be alone and be with myself.
That is the moment when random thoughts attack.
Most people say that I’m such a very friendly creature and
smile never left me. A very talkative girl with so many stories to tell. A girl
who loves adventure and love to try new things. Not because this is my own
blog, I can tell lies to flatter myself, na-ah! I don’t like that. And this is
the truth. I am not a pretty girl, not talented either. I am not attractive or
special in any way. I am just ordinary, simple and never stand out in things I
do. Some people say I’m weird, other say I’m the usual type of person.
Actually, I never see any uniqueness in me. I know it may sound a little
self-pity but that is the truth. I am a little boyish and I don’t like too much
girls’ stuff like dresses and make ups and the like but when the mood strikes
me, I tell you, I love dressing up.
I may not look like it but honestly, I am a shy girl and I
can’t stand it in front may many eyes staring at me. It really freaks the hell
out of me! But I am used to be with different people. I can stand in front of
them but not in too much crowd. For sure I’ll shiver my knees out there! Ha ha
ha. I think I was born with that kind of ability, to be adaptive and flexible
no matter what the situations are (one of my special friend once told me I’m
like a chameleon).
I enjoy my life with family and friends. They are my top
priorities. First, family, second friends. My family is the best group I ever
had. We may not be like the usual “tropa” but being with them I can be the me
with my friends. Whenever I am not with my family, then you can find me
loitering around others houses :] I used to gatecrash my friend’s houses.
Whenever I don’t feel like going home or i wanted to sleep on others houses,
I’ll just drag my stuffs and run to them and I’m settled. Most of my friends’
families know me and liked me for the reasons I don’t know but of course, you
can’t please everybody. I can’t make myself be liked by everyone. If they don’t
like me… that’s fine. I’m well aware of that. At first, of course, being
immature, it bothered me and I want them to like me. I want to have their trust
but soon I realized that I did nothing to make them dislike me and it didn’t
bother me at all now. I can’t force them to like me. If they see me as bad
influence to their child, so be it. I don’t give a damn care! Especially when
that time! That single moment when i feel like a creature banned to enter their
house. I felt I am not truly welcome there and so I left. I’m not that
insensitive.
School life :]
My life during elementary days was fun. I was a kid and most
of I time, I played, like what kids usually do. Vague memories of elementary
days remained in my head. I don’t seem to remember so often since I haven’t got
in touch with them. During those days, I didn’t have a thought of making my
days a memorable one. Everyday is like the other days. School, friends,
play—that’s it for a kid without any mind on treasuring the fresh days. So then
go to my high school life this period of my life was the best. Almost every
moment’s a treasure. Every laughter, every conversation, every little detail of
it was carved in my memory. I was really happy back then. The school, the
classrooms, the classmates, we were the worst class but damn—it was the best
memory!! This was the time where we all changed and got matured but naturally,
we were still kids. My days in high school were full of memories and
friendship. I never regretted I attended that school. When I was about to enter
my college years, of course, I was damn afraid. I was really shaking and sweats
poured out of me so early in the morning. My heart beats like I run a hundred
miles and my head was foggy. I know I sounded a little over-exaggerated but it
was the truth. I was like that because it was my first time to set foot on a
big university ( it looks really big when I saw it the first time, but as soon
as I got used to it, I feel bored ha ha ha). My elementary and high school in
the province were not that big and a little unpopulated that’s why I was
shocked. This period of my life, I guess, was the season of great changes and I
was in a complete disaster. My mind and heart never moved as one. I wanted to
do so much things but something’s preventing me from doing it. I have so many
regrets that I can blame no one but myself. College days seemed to pass by
slowly and I got bored about the monotonous life. I feel like all my
adventurous spirits left me. My consciousness tremble inside me. I was not me.
And the real me was nowhere to be found. The rage of my power was unsatisfied
with what I did. I feel like I know I can do more, I can do a lot of things but
did nothing. There are so many reasons but in the end, all the blame will end
up in me. I hold myself back to do the things I want because if I continue
doing it, I might miss the flow of the river. And I was afraid. Years passed
and I stay the same while everyone changed. Yeah, I guess I changed too, but I
changed for the worse. I wasn’t able to lift myself up. Something’s missing and
I need to find it so that I can fix myself. But until this time, I don’t know
what I’m missing. Until now, I can’t revive the equilibrium of my life.
When I entered my last year of college, a lot of things
happened—unexpected things. But they just come and go and never stayed for
long. Of course, as my immaturity strikes, I had high hopes of making him stay
but he never did, so why keep running after someone who doesn’t want you. Don’t
wait until someone calls you STUPID for the things you did. That’s what I
learned.
I guess since then, I changed again-for worst. Maybe I was
really hurt. I was so absorbed by my little world of hopeless, romantic
fantasy. I was hurt and I guess I never cried more than once. it’s hard to cry
secretly, bearing all the pain, damn that’s so painful but that’s what I did.
Alone, in the darkness, tears I shed were more than I thought I can produce. I
wonder that time how much water was left inside my body. After that, I hated
the days I shed tears. I felt like it wasn’t me. It wasn’t the usual me. I told
myself I don’t ever wanna cry over that stuff again!
At present, I’m still in search for a job and of course
praying that I’ll find one soon. I don’t really like staying at home 24/7. I’m
gonna be sick if I do that. I swear! I got bored easily especially when I got
no books beside me. Of course, books of my favourite author. Also, I got bored
and tired of the daily routine, doing it over and over again, daily.
Well, as far as this blog goes, I guess this is my summary
of my somehow complicated life. I told you, there’s so many to tell but none of
it has any substance. Nothing is worth reading. Maybe I’ll tell you more about
me sooner or later. . . YOU?—what the hell was that?! Hahah You is Me and Me is
You. I am the avid fan of my blog! YEY!
So… having this blog really is a great outlet for me. Having
all this stupid, random thoughts bugging inside my head, swear, I can’t sleep
at all. I’ll go crazy if I didn’t let this out. All my screws gonna loose!
Thank you for wasting your time reading this nonsense blog!
I hope you find it annoying and never visit this blog again. I thank you BOW!!
15 april 2013
01:34
